The End of a Beautiful Day

It was 5.23 am. I stared at the blood. It stared back at me. It occurred to me that I have to see a doctor. But which one? How? When? Why?

When it first started a few days back, I tried to blank it out. Three days later, it got worse, not better. I had put off doing anything about it. If I didn't see a doctor, then it wouldn't be official, then perhaps it would just go away like a bad dream. I don't like to be fussed about. I don't want to trigger any fuss, any hassle.

My first thought was: I've been a good person, You can't give me an illness. Then I started to think of all the kinder, decent-er people around me who had gotten things. Hmm.

But I have been good to me, too. Religiously, I eat my greens, drink my reds, run 4km a few times a week, cut sugar, sleep well. In the car that day, I was still joking that Boy always gets numerous minor colds, while I am in such rude health, anything to hit me must be some major pent-up illness. There was no wood in the car to touch.

Maybe it is not a cause-and-effect thing. Maybe it is like business cycles. You have little say over the ups and downs. When your life is beautiful, it must go downwards in one way, one day. The sunset is beautiful, only because the day is ending, goes the saying.

Then it struck me: do you want to do something about it, or do you want to continue arguing with Someone you weren't completely sure existed anyway?

Before I went in the doctor's office, I read up all about it. It could be as trivial as a simple infection. Or some things growing. Or kidney malfunction. Several possibilities. Big help.

I told the doc the details. Calmly, rationally, in precise and economical language - as only a journalist could. A funny thing to be proud of at this time, considering.

They took it and sent it for tests. I don't know the doc's reaction when she saw the blood. I was in the lobby and passed it to the nurse, who passed it through the little window to her office. After 20 minutes, I was in there, and she said it woud take a week for tests to come back, "then we will see."

I hope it is just an infection. The medicine she gave me seemed to work. The blood cleared. Maybe everything is fine now. Maybe I am just nervous because it has never happened to me before. I still want to get married someday. And have heaps of cute munchkins. And cook beautiful meals in the big kitchen I will one day have. Let the day continue.