Goodbye. No, Really.

In the past, you had an account with your bank. These days, you have a relationship, though the service they provide is more or less the same. Now that's what I call progress. The only trouble is, as with every relationship, saying goodbye is hard to do.

I called a bank to cancel a credit card which I've never used. Sure, said the friendly lady on the other end, I will hand you over to someone else.

Now, I don't know what the job title of this someone else is, but I suggest "Clinger" would be appropriate. It soon became clear that the new lady on the line was there not to help me cancel my card, but to persuade me to keep it, as if her life depended on it. Ma'am, the card will give you loads of rewards... privileges.... discounts... blah blah blah....

Perhaps one of the prerequisites of the job is: must not take no for an answer.

Ahem, I didn't spend time rummaging for my phone PIN, navigating through a labyrinth of pre-recorded phone-banking "steps", waiting an eternity to speak to a human being, only to give up so easily. No, sweetie, it's not you, it's me. I still want to cancel my card!

Sheesh. I wonder what it's like to have such a job. Do they have professional relationship-preservation training, these clingers? Do they move from place to place? Are they judged on the number of "break-ups" they have stopped dead in the tracks?

There are clingers at phone companies too. I've been subjected to a particularly clingy one when I tried to cancel my mobile account a few years back.

"I'm leaving the country, I won't need the phone anymore."

"But ma'am, would you like to continue with us when you return?"

Sigh. Maybe the only way to make them go away is say: Listen, I don't want to scare you but I'm driving 150km an hour, I'm sick and tired of living and unless you have a branch where I'm heading, let's just call it quits.

"....."